C@T The Girl Guru

“Noooo!”

You know what sucks? Feeling like you totally SUCK. Or rather, finding out that you suck at SOMETHING.
But it’s inevitable right?

The question is, now what?
What does a girl do when she is knee deep in the frustration of not being able to do something?

First lets find out what kind of SUCK you are…at.

The way I see it there are basically two kinds of Suck-or rather two major feelings that overwhelm you when you find you suck at something.

The first is the totally bamboozled “why the hell can’t I get this????” feeling that an overachiever can get-when they can’t astound the world with their awesomeness.

Then there is the “oh great something ELSE I blow at” that the underachiever feels and then promptly adds to their mental pile of BS and gets them closer to the feeling of just TOTALLY sucking altogether.

I, as many of you, have experienced both throughout my life, and in fact just got over feeling like a total retard a mere hour ago by writing this.

I experienced the first form of suck very poignantly in my sex life. I was told by every lover that I was fabulous in the sack and the “best kisser” they’d ever met.
Then I met a super sexy and handsome guy I call “Anomaly Boy” (just after a painful breakup)-and my nervousness and psychological weirdness turned my amazingly super sexy kissing into that of a “wet baseball bat”.
Cue Devastation!

My experience with the latter form has popped up many times in my life as I have tried things and momentarily sucked at them (like pole dancing, tango, spinning fire) and then just given up due to my lofty expectations of my amazing self not being met. I have since learned to embrace the awkwardness and actually “roll with the punches” as it were to see if I do indeed just need to give something some time…that is if my interest is still there (like tango…not so much the pole dancing though).

So WHAT can YOU do about it?

If you are suffering from the former you can DO a couple things.
First, Get over it Ms. Perfect. We all suck at all sorts of things. This is what Merlin Mann of 43 Folders calls “personal suck” (awesome article by the way-read and enjoy please!)
Tigers suck at eating vegetables, plain and simple. Giraffe’s just can’t swing the whole hunting thing-imagine prey running from one great hungry NECK. Oooo…chilling.

So if you actually, in fact, can’t do something as well as you totally thought you could-just have a slice of humble pie. And then move on to something else you CAN MASTER in a minute as per your wonderful natural talents.

If however, this particular “don’t get it” moment is very similar to something you have actually already mastered maybe you are just approaching learning it from the lofty position of a Little Miss Know-it-All. Step down into that of a true “student” and allow yourself to actually start at square one-there might have been something you missed all the while you were pumping your head full of hot air. This is kind of where the saying “can’t teach an old dog new tricks” comes from. Sit yourself back down into the position of “newbie” if just for a moment and then your progress can accelerate.

Now what if you are experiencing the One-more-thing-to-suck-at misery of the underachiever? Well buck up.
You gotta be okay with FAILURE before you become a SUCCESS. So do not let a momentary hint of “suckiness” totally obliterate you visions of achievement.
Get bruised. Get knocked down a few times. Eventually (hopefully) you will learn to get back up, then dodge, then dance circles around the obstacles that attempt to get in your way.
The only time to actually QUIT is when you realize you are attempting the impossible. Or the time span with which you are attempting to at the very least perform ADEQUATELY is passing by in ice ages.
All sorts of us can do things “ok”. If you aren’t doing at least an acceptable job at something-and it’s been months and months with no HINT of progress or change-well then sure, you may very well indeed suck at THIS ONE THING. That does not mean that YOU SUCK. Do not let yourself get totally down by thinking this one thing invalidates your awesomeness and talents and even the skills you already have but don’t think about.

I have found during times of massive suck-usually when I’m trying to learn 5,000 things at once and by next Wednesday-it is good, nay ESSENTIAL to my sensitive little psyche to just step back and do something I am rather good at. This does two things, first it gives me a needed break from the negative thought feed, and then I get to in a sense RECHARGE my soul by breezily practicing something I both enjoy and do WELL. Then when I approach the CHALLENGE again I am fresher, much more clear, and motivated to get over the hump or objectively reassess my expectations.

Dancing, writing, even putting on a nice outfit and some makeup (both things I am FABULOUS at), are great ways for me to reconnect and recharge.

What have you done when it seems you just can’t do something? What is your “personal suck” and what have you done about it? I would love to hear your strategies and stories below!

“Ah! Zen Cat!”

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